Just saw a photo of a Japashionista wearing a baseball jacket reading "HYSTERIC GLAMOUR: TOO DRUNK TO FUCK."

I desperately want a jacket with the second half of that statement. My question is, is it worth going to Hysteric Glamour and dropping a krafrillion dollars on a jacket that I will likely have to obscure the message of just to make it wearable?

My favourite version of the song in question:

A brief trip to the Omotesando Softbank yesterday inspired the following.

 AN OPEN LETTER TO JAPANESE PEOPLE:

 Congratulations! You are known worldwide for your fashion sense. The
innovative nature of Japanese sartorialism is globally lauded, often
copied by Western designers (only to ring particularly hollow), lusted
after by legions of fashionistas everywhere, and may have caused Gwen
Stefani to completely lose her fucking mind. This really is something
that you should be proud of, and, in my opinion, it is something you
rightly deserve.

 For example, I went into a boutique in Shinjuku station a couple of
months ago and there was a woman with a tree on her head. Just an
ordinary saleswoman, walking around casually adjusting things and
yelling "IRASSHAIMASEEEEEEE" at inanimate objects, but she had a tree
on her head. A fairly large one. And I think it was made of Tinker
Toys. My point being, she actually looked GOOD. If I put a tree on my
head, I would look like a fluffypagan at Burning Man. (That would be
"not so good.")

 Despite this, I think you need a few pointers. Bear with me, and think
about heeding the following advice:

 1. If it it 95 degrees out (close to 40, that is), then you should not
be wearing a sweatshirt and Doc Martens.

 2. Pockets hanging out from the legs of your hotpants do not look
good. Also- and I'm not sure- but I think it must make it really hard
to put shit in your pockets.

 3. Those snap-closure elbow-to-wrist gauntlets do nothing for your
arms. Moreover, if you MUST, pick a fabric that does not look like
upholstery. Unless you are a superhero with couch powers or your name
is Ottoman Chesterfield, upholstery gauntlets are strange.

 4. If you cannot lift your bag without your boyfriend lending you a
hand, you need a smaller bag. Possibly with fewer keychains on it.

 5. You have a choice: either you can wear foot-tall spike heels, or
you can walk like a geisha. Doing both will result in a symptom I like
to call Velociraptor Legs, in which your knees lock and your thighs
eventually grow a horrible frontal curve. I am not kidding about this.

 6. YOU ARE NOT FOUR YEARS OLD STOP DRESSING LIKE IT.

 7. Attention J-trannies! If you weigh 300 pounds and cannot remove
your 5 o'clock shadow, please do not dress Gothic Lolita! You make
Sailor Bubba look demure and feminine.

 8. Actually, if you weigh 300 pounds, don't dress gothloli regardless of gender.

 9. WEAR SHOES THAT FUCKING FIT, YOU IDIOTS.

 10. If you wear false eyelashes (and I would, if I didn't wear
glasses), please try not to glue them several millimeters above your
actual eyelashes. It is creepy.

 11. You may not be a yamamba. Ever.
11a. No, I'm not kidding. For the love of christ, stop.

 12. Another issue with hotpants: please don't wear them if your
individual thighs are three times wider that your torso. I am not
kidding. You look like that kangaroo chick from Titan A.E.

  
I seriously just made a Titan A.E. reference? I quit.

I am trying to be good blogsoldier and blog bloggy things in this here
blog. I am also trying to do by email, which I believe is the point of
having a Posterous and ignoring my cumbersome Blogspot.

 Last night, my boyfriend and I had a wonderful time being at our
(well...MY; I'm not positive he loves it as much as I do, but that's
mainly because I don't like making decisions for him) anyways, our
local izakaya. Despite the fact that it is called Hi-Mo-No-Ya and I'm
pretty sure it's a chain, we call it the Old Man Izakaya because the
sign has a picture of an old man on it.

 I love TOMI for the following reasons:

 1. Lots of vegetarian options.
2. Beers not produced in Japan.
3. A kickin' umeshu menu.
4. They have an English menu which I think they only give to me and
the boyfriendy person, and the first time we went there they were
OMGSOEXCITED to give it to us.
5. Their bowing seems genuine.
6. They always see us out and wave goodbye when we leave.
7. The first time we went there, the waiter was knocking himself out
trying to express his admiration for the boyfriend's lipring.
8. If you order a large draft beer, the glass it comes in can double
as a romantic bathtub for two.
9. You get a private booth, everything is covered in fairy lights, and
there's an outdoor waterfull. I fuckin' dig fairy lights hard.

 Anyways, we had fun there and then we went home and played Mass Effect
and everything was going fine. Then we exploded into a huge,
ridiculous fight that lasted all night and will probably cause us to
break up today. Which is his birthday. Mostly because I am a moron,
and can't let things go until I know exactly where the other party
stands.

 Then I realized that I don't know how to rescue packages from the
communal mailbox in my building (don't ask) and my phone got cut off
because Softbank didn't send me my bill AGAIN.

 Just another lovely day in lovely Japan.

As my still-adorable ex-boyfriend once said...

 

HELLO, INTERNET!

I WILL PUT THINGS INTO YOU!